I Surrender All

This evening brings to a close another long day of doing ministry here in Korea. I'm very blessed to have so many opportunities to serve God and the people of Seoul; it's truly a privilage. I'm honoured that God would use someone like me ~ so fragile, so insignificant. And yet, I find myself wanting to complain and rebel, mostly because of legalistic issues. I know that God has called me to this ministry and to serve him, yet sometimes it's so hard to stick it out. The war within me, to pass off the 'hard jobs', rages within me. I sometimes find myself wanting to ask, 'Why? Why me? Why this ministry?" I never asked to be used in this way, nor in this area; it wasn't my first choice. But then I hear His ever soft voice saying, "That's right, you never asked for it. But, I have chosen you and I am asking you to trust me and to obey."And then I can say nothing but, "I surrender All."

It didn't take me long to realize that God has plans to stretch me this 3rd year in Korea. I suppose it's been a while since I've felt stretched this much and really found myself needing to depend on Him. For years now I have been building up a wall around me. I have become so self-dependent, independent. I have defind myself as a perfectionistic workaholic, second to being a follower of Christ. But, in actuality those 'titles' are likely to have swopped places from time-to-time. And now, I can see God in the process of stripping me of that self-built identity. Thus far, it has been a painful process, and yet I know He's being very gentle and loving in how He goes about it. I also see Him making me into a woman of prayer. I used to think that I wasn't much of a prayer, especially not an intercessory prayer person, and I was fine with that. But now I'm learning that I need to rid myself of such excuses and change my daily routine to include more sincere prayer. Living alone it's easy to talk to God throughout my day, and I used to think that was enough. But now I know that I need a much deeper and more intimate prayer life to take me to the next level. God has great plans for me, that I don't doubt. I also know that He has called me to be in Korea for now and that my time here is training for something much greater. Yet that doesn't make it any easier... So, again, I find myself sitting at the foot of the cross and raising my voice to say, "I Surrender All!"